THIS IS LONG!
Today I returned from the Dharma center at the top of a
beautiful mountain. When we arrived we were given lunch right away, fresh
organic vegetables and rice filled our bellies. The air was non-toxic. The cars
did not exist and the homes were made of mud. It was so peaceful.
We settled in for about an hour then hopped back in the van
for temple running and border talk. The first thing we did was go to
Burma/Thailand border. I stood at the top of the ditch and listened to Laurie
(Bob’s good friend and our guide) while staring down at the green, bamboo
filled ditch. The whole time wondering how many dead bodies, blown to pieces
rested below me? How many animals stumbled into this ditch and hit the
landmines? My eyes wondered up where 5 soldiers stood at a hut guarding the
border. Right over this ditch was one of the worst countries in the world. A
war that has been going on for 60 years stared at me in the face taunting me.
The soldiers stared at us through their binoculars and waved, smiling. At first
I was just angry. I wanted to run over there yelling “Murders! Rapists!”. But I
didn’t I just stood there. How many times have I just stood there? How many
times did I let things happen when I could have done something? Could I have done
something? The soldiers continued to wave and at last I waved back and smiled.
WHY? Why did I do that? Were these guys any less human than I was, or my
brother? My brother, a marine, fighting for his family, killing, following
orders. Isn’t that what these guys were doing? Alas I turned my back and walked
to the tables where the Shan runaways (Shan people live in Burma) were giving
away food at the temple to celebrate the King of Thailand. These people lived
at this ditch and stared into their homeland knowing they may never go back. My
heart broke.
We left and visited another temple where I gave my respects
to Buddha. Laurie explained the murals around the temple walls and had the
artist there to ask questions. This guy is amazing. He has never studied art.
He originally was a monk but he was disrobed by the abbot so he could paint the
temples. Now he paints the story of the Buddha for everyone to see. He shares
his knowledge. He does not just stand there staring into a ditch, he does
something. (for pictures please look at Buddha: A Story soon to be uploaded).
When we returned we were again fed a wonderful dinner. The
puppies and cats begged us for attention as we devoured our meals. Then we
waited patiently for the monk chant to start. The novices (young Shan runaways
for the most part who had fled to the center and were allowed to stay, but they
had to be ordained into novicehood) gathered around and began chanting. I sat
in the subduing position and bowed my head listening to their words, which I
could not understand. The night grew colder but my mind became clearer. After
the chant we saw a presentation of the lives of these teenagers (14-18).
They’ve done more in the past few years than I have in my 20. They've won an humanitarian award for their work in AIDS awareness. They won 1st place out of 800 and went to Austria to receive their award. They've built homes and today we helped them build a bridge walkway! They asked us
questions, we asked them. The knowledge floated around us, friendship, content,
love, harmony.
I woke up at 4:30 AM and chanted with them again. I was the
only one there besides the novices and I smiled and thanked the universe for
blessing me with everything it had. I thanked nature for nourishing me. The
stars were beautiful, the air was still and crisp. I meditated alone after that
and learned how to walking meditate from the abbot. After lunch I again went
down to meditate but instead I found a Trevor sitting by the pond. I joined him
and we talked about how we felt being here.
I’ve never felt so calm, collected,
and troubled in my life. This place, this country, the people here, they are
changing me. No, not changing, they are bringing the part of me out that has
been wanting to bloom since the first time I was touched inappropriately as a
young girl. It is bringing out the part of me that can be happy. The part that
is okay not being perfect, having a perfect planned out life. For a long time
now I have been thinking about leaving Coe. Being here, helps me clear my head
and really think about who I am and what I can be. I’m not sure what I’ll do
yet. But I’ve finally fully realized that’s okay.
I’m really sorry this is so long but I needed to get this
out. I needed to share my experiences with all of you. My feelings. My
thoughts. My hopes, dreams, and realizations. Thank you for reading and may
your days be blessed, filled with happiness, and relieved of suffering.
Always and forever yours,
-The Foodie and Nature Enthusiast
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